Week 9

What's happening eyh?

Well, As of today:

I am 9 weeks pregnant.

Have yet to experience morning sickness (i hope I'm not jinxing this by writing this down!).

I have gained 5kg since I was pregnant.

Some rare occassion of lethargic-ness that comes as quicly as it goes.

Some aversion to some smelly smell.

Some dislikes towards certain food (anything chocolaty or cheesy are on the list... boo hoo hoo!).

My figure has slowly becomes distorted. Sporting a rounder tummy and fuller thighs. Hubbs just commented that my flabby underarms are back... boo hoo hoo!!!

Love to see and watch pretty dainty girly things.

Still went for my normal exercise class. A bit slow and tires easily. I try to avoid excessive vigorous moves and stayed within the beginner's moves only. Unsatisfying but got to remind myself that I can't exert myself too much. Not good for the baby...

ohh...

And I am still in denial. In fact I just bought another UPT just to check.

Just in case. 

adding another number... again?

Ariz turned 2 last month. We have been calling him adik all these while. I have even gave away all baby clothing and items. ALL.

Ariz is meant to be the last. Anak bongsu. The end of the line. Penutup. Kilang is shutting down.

However, this month my period is already 11 days late according the period tracker apps. My nipples are sore but I attributed those pain to Ariz sucking too eagerly. My moods have been going ups and downs. Kejap macam naga, kejap merajuk, kejap nak sedih, kejap ok. But I attributed these yo-yo moods to PMS. Then yesterday night after work I started feeling lethargic. Penat yang tak terucap. Lemah longlai rasa badan. I attributed this tiredness to the long hours stuck in traffic jam on the way back to KL the previous day. 5 hours of jams to be specific. And some nausea which had me feeling wanting to eat to counter balance that nauseating feeling.

However, atas dasar gatal hati, I took a pregnancy test this morning. The test was bought last period cycle because I was also late then. But the day that I planned to take the test, my period made a show. Hence a spare pregnancy test lying around at home at 6am in the morning today.

Was praying for a 1 liner. Was really hoping for a 1 liner. And then 1 line showed. OK. Patiently waiting for the test to complete and... a vague line appeared.

Sigh...

Here we go again. Life begins at 40. Yup. A new life it seems. the pregnancy tracker (yup, the period tracker has now been converted) says I am 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.

Nak happy ke nak mengeluh ke nak disappointed ke, tak tau la... mixed.

Still hoping its a false positive.

but my lethargic-ness feels sooo real...

I just want to sleep...

i Know. I'm a Mom too

This article had me teary eyed. The Most Powerful Thing You Can Say to Another Mom  (*click HERE to go to the actual article) A few weeks ago, one of my dearest friends lost her 21-month-old daughter forever when the sweet baby girl died unexpectedly and suddenly. My friend and I live on opposite sides of the country, so I took a trip to visit her for this past weekend. Admittedly, I was a nervous wreck about what I was going to say to her and her husband. How was I going to find the words to comfort them? How would I avoid saying the wrong things? I wanted to find perfect words, and, as I am a writer, words happen to be one of the few ways I truly know how to express myself. Except I was at a complete loss over her loss. Having two healthy children at home, I felt I couldn't truly relate to her pain, so how on earth was I going to be able to comfort her during a situation that I have very little experience in? Armed with a pocket full of Bible verses and a slough of rehearsed things to say, I walked into her home and could never in a million years have foreseen the life-altering and powerful words that would be spoken between us during our time together. Except the words came from her, to me. From her. To me. That's right. My friend, who at this point is proving to be one of the strongest people I know, said something during her time of grief that will forever hold a spot in my heart. It was a phrase so simple, yet it has hit a chord deep inside of me. As she was describing the events leading up to the death of her daughter, she tried to express to me her complete heartbreak as she held her sweet child in the hospital during the minutes and hours after she died. Describing the time only as her worst nightmare, she said to me with tears rolling down her face, "You're a mom, you know." You're a mom, you know. This phrase took my breath away — as well as any composure that I had managed to keep together up until then. Because it was at that point, with that phrase, that I was able to start to understand the magnitude of her sorrow. Sure, I was completely heartbroken for her before, as death is difficult for anyone. But I'll admit that I didn't fully understand my role as her friend or as a fellow mom. See, all this time I had been looking in the wrong places for the perfect thing to say to her while I should have just looked at our simplest bond: motherhood. And while I have not experienced the pain that comes along with losing a child, I do understand the joy that she once experienced from holding her child. And to lose that? There are no words Except maybe "I'm a mom, I know." Losing a child is every mom's worst fear — no matter who you are or what kind of mom you choose to be. In the days since, I've been keeping this simple thought in mind when relating myself to other mommies. Sure, we all have our different ways of mothering and raising our families, but we do have one thing in common: our hearts are directly connected to our children. It makes the whole mommy wars thing seem, well, totally ridiculous. You're a mom, you know. So as I went with my own mom, who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, to her radiation treatment, I glanced over at the young mother of a small boy in the waiting room. He was maybe 3 years old (though it's hard to tell because he was so tiny). He sported a colorful Superman cape and a bland hospital mask as he sat cradled in his mom's arms. She said something quietly to him. My heart stopped. This mom ached for that mom. And the tears started to fall from my eyes despite me not knowing her one bit. Despite me only sitting in the waiting room for maybe 30 seconds. Despite my own mom sitting next to me about to have her own radiation treatment. This is crazy, I thought. I don't even know this woman. But what I do know is that I'm a mom. And later I was getting dinner at a takeout restaurant, and one of the employees was on the phone in the restroom. She was struggling to find a babysitter for her child while she finished her late shift. She was frantic. She was upset. She was mad. My heart skipped another beat, and the tears welled up in my eyes once again. I know, I'm a mom. As I went back to my mom's house, heartbroken over my friend's loss, my mother was trying to comfort me. Asking if I was OK. Me! She was the one going through radiation, I should be comforting her. And then it dawned on me as to why she was so worried about how I was doing. She knows, she's a mom. And on the plane on the ride home there was a new mom standing with her infant son nearly the whole four-and-a-half-hour flight because if she attempted to sit down, he wailed. She looked exhausted and frustrated. She checked her watch frequently, but she also kept on task all while kissing on his little bald head. I know, I'm a mom. See, it's a thread that unites us all. Helicopter moms. Free-range moms. Breastfeeding moms. Formula-feeding moms. Rich moms. Poor moms. Moms of sick kids. Moms of healthy kids. Moms. The crazy, heart-stopping love that we feel for our children runs deep through each and every one of us as moms. And this knowledge is painful at times. It's why every sappy commercial brings us to tears. It's why we can't watch the news. It's why we get in the car and cry after we drop our kids off to their first day of school. It's why food allergies are terrifying. It's why our hearts ache when we hear about miscarriage or fertility problems. It's why we are up at night worrying about our teens. It's why the thought of our children eventually leaving the nest makes us weep into our coffee. It's why the death of another mother's child is so utterly heartbreaking . . . It's also why we should always provide a blanket of support to all fellow moms. Not only to those who are suffering through the unimaginable pain of losing a child, but also to those mamas going through plain ol' rough times . . . and even those moms who are just having one of those days. Hug her, and if you are struggling to find the right words, all you may really need to say is, "I know, I'm a mom." But you probably already know this. After all, you're a mom.

**Post Self Reminder**

Sebelum kita keluar ke pejabat kita membebel pada anak kerana lambat bersiap Sampai di sekolah anak maklumkan ada surat yang dia lupa berikan semalam. Lagi sekali anak dileteri. Anak salam dan masuk ke kelas dengan keadaan emosi yang terguris. Dah dua kali kena marah. Kalau tak bagitahu pasal surat tu pun takpe fikirnya. Buat kena marah je. Seharian dia di sekolah bersama kawan-kawan dan guru. Bila habis sekolah, dia tinggal di taska atau rumah pengasuh. Sementara menunggu ibu dan ayah balik.. Bila matahari semakin hilang cahayanya, baru ibu dan ayah datang mrnjemput. Dah 8/9 jam tak jumpa ibu ayahnya. Banyak yang dia nak kongsikan. Waktu ibu dan ayahnya sedang bercakap, waktu itu juga mereka excited nak cerita dan bertanya itu dan ini. Nak bagitahu cikgu puji dia pandai, nak bagitahu kawan puji kotak pensil yang ibu baru belikan Tapi mereka dimarahi kerana dikatakan menyibuk waktu orang tua nak bercakap. Mereka menunduk dan masuk ke bilik. Bergurau pulak dengan adik-adik. Kecoh bunyinya. Tetiba wajah si ayah tersembul di muka pintu. Kena marah lagi sebab bising waktu ayah nak tengok berita. Ayah suruh baca buku. Tengah-tengah belek buku, teringat lukisan cantik tadi. Berlari nak tunjuk kat ibu didapur. Tetiba terlanggar pulak bucu meja. Jatuh dan pecah berderai gelas atas meja. Sekali lagi anak ini dimarahi dan dileteri. Dan anak ini akhirnya tidur dalam keadaan dia tertanya-tanya adakah ibu dan ayahnya menyayanginya atau tidak. Tiap hari, pasti ada saja salah dan silap mereka. Pasti ada yang tidak kena. Itu senario yang selalu kita hadapi. Malahan saya sendiri mengalaminya. Sungguh tinggi ego kita. Sungguh kita sangat mementingkan diri. Anak ini belum matang. Belum tahu berfikir seperti orang dewasa. Bila ibu dan ayah pulang mereka benar-benar ingin merasai kehadiran kita. Ingin dipeluk dan berkongsi cerita. Tapi apa yang mereka dapat??? Bila mereka besar dan lebih selesa berkongsi cerita dengan teman-teman, jangan kita persoalkan kenapa. Kerana waktu mereka ingin benar-benar berkongsi dengan kita, kita menafikan hak mereka. Keegoan itu langsung tak menjadikan kita ibu bapa yang hebat. Emosi dan amarah hanya mengundang salah tafsir si anak Jika kita berasa penat dengan urusan kerja seharian, bagaimana pula dengan anak-anak? Jam 7.30 dah terpacak di sekolah. Pagi sekolah agama dan petangnya pula sekolah kebangsaan. Tidak penatkah mereka? Kita keluar bekerja tanpa membawa beban berkilo. Tapi mereka bagaimana? Berat beg sekolah saja sudah 5 kg. Ingatlah, anak itu satu anugerah. Bukan tempat melempias lelah. * peringatan untuk saya dan anda

The world wide web from a little man named Iman Aydin

At 5 years and 4 months, his IT vocab consists of the following

Kompiter
Tinet
Donlot
Pesbuk
U-chub
I-pad
I-tab

...

When i was at that age all i can remember was bathing my doll in her bathtub.

Time changes.
Children changes.
We adult adapt.

2 : 0 : 1 : 5

I have for quite a while now have stopped having new year resolutions. For me, if I want to do something, I will just do it. There is no necessity to wait for a specific date to do it. Agak2 nak make an effort nak kurus, I can always start now tomorrow..... *gelakgulinggulingdenganjokesendiri* 

Jokes aside, I really do wish those who are having their annual new year resolutions to actually achieve these resolutions of their. I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. 

Hoping for a brighter, happier, more meaningful, more productive, contented, peaceful year for 2015.

New Year Resolution? 

What is that? Me no understand... heh.

2014. At A Glance

2014 is coming to a close. How time flies. Seems like I just wrote down a brief summary of 2013 and now its time for 2014 pulak.

On a personal note, 2014 is definitely a memorable year because it is the year of Ariz. The one who wasn't suppose to be.

The one who took everyone by surprise… well not that surprised actually, more of a fulfilment of an expectation (not mine!) that has built up over the years. I was ever ready to stop at 3 children. But since there was never any protection used (nor any restraint) (ermm… too much info?), getting pregnant was a news that was kind of expected. I was actually surprise that it took 5 years of doing absolutely nothing to stop me being pregnant for me to actually be pregnant. That was in April. Since then my life has been back to how it was 5 years ago; sleepless nights, blocked ducts, clingy human, cries (baby and mommy), exhaustion, emergency leaves, pushing stroller, baby carrying, outings at indoor areas with aircond only please, pumping regime, carrying pumps all over town, excessive weight (major SIGH!!!) and a house yang macam tongkang karam yang baru dijumpai 18 tahun kemudian...

But curiously, I can't think of how life was pre-Ariz. Its like that part of my life never happened. Thinking of his smile, his laughter, his wiggles, his excitement when he sees mommy, his curiosity, his habit of putting absolutely anything and everything into his mouth. One word. Bliss.

Adlan has master the art of masak nasi. Learn how to do nasi goreng and sambal udang. 

Is slowly turning into a tween with his degil attitude, his body odour, and his understanding of how the world works. Expecting his voice to go rougher next year.

 He is expressing more of his brotherly concerns for his siblings (despite the incessant  tease that drives mommy crazy!). 

His obsession with games has intensified, his current obsession being "counter strike". Pandai pulak main MMOG (massive multiplayers online games) ni. Mana belajar ntah.

Aliya turns out to be a wonderful sister and a marvellous mommy's helper. She keeps Ariz company while mommy takes a quick-everything (from taking a piss, to eating, and showering and cooking). On top of that she manages Aydin with his cry baby attitude. Books everywhere. Requests to buy books comes in almost daily. Botak poket mommy kalau hari2 kena beli buku. Nak cakap tak boleh tak sampai hati. Asal pergi shopping mall je she will keep a look out for bookstores.

Aydin? whooaaa that little guy turned to be a cry baby. Sikit2 nangis. I guess being anak bongsu for 5 years of his life and suddenly being dethroned has its negative impact. Trying to be patient with him but kadang2 terkeluar jugak api dari mulut bila mommy tukar jadi dragon. But he loves his little brother no doubt about it. Playing, calling out his brother (more like shouting on top of his lungs AAARRIIZZZZZ!!!), always wanting to see what his lill bro is doing. Tapi bab suka menjerit kt depan muka adik tu yg mommy tak tahan tu. Rimas.

 On the school front, he got 2nd in his class. We didn't know about it until we read the program book during hari penyampaian hadiah. Not baddd!

 And that hair! oh my. Every 20 minutes he will make a trip to the toilet or the sink to dampen his hair abd comb it. Mula2 style rambut cacak. Then he discovers hair gel. Now it’s the mat skima look. Every few minutes checking his hair. Mommy has to bring a small comb and a compact mirror everywhere just for him. Mat smart betul. 

Tapi dalam mat smart mat smart, terjadi jugaklah incident bengkok tulang. Yes, you read that right. Crooked bone. Not broken. Not fractured. But crooked collabone. Happened when he fell in his attemptm to piggy ride his Abang. Earlier this year terkoyak kulit kepala langgar pintu while at kampung. Dah berjahit 5 jahitan.

On a more general note, 2014 was a year of unprecedented events. The missing of MH370, the shot down of MH17, privatisation of ailing MAS, terrible2 haze (what else is new?) and water rationing in the west coast of peninsular Malaysia, the weakening of RM, the leakage of UPSR exam papers (UPSR je kot!!), the biggest flood since 1971.

So there… 2014 at a glance, as I can remember it. For now.

Next year cerita next year pulak. My new year resolution? To at least update a brief summary of the month on a monthly basis so that the yearly summary for 2015 aku boleh check the links je. Fening mak nak recall balik apa jadi for the past 12 months.

till then. peace.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SID)

A member of an fb group where i am a silent reader posted a message that her exclusively breastfed child no 4 of nearly 4 months old passed away while sleeping when they had both happily went window shopping for a new baby carrier earlier that day. Cause unknown. I don't know her at all but her message deeply affected me.

My Ariz is nearly 4 months old. My Ariz is an exclusively breastfed baby. My Ariz is the 4th child. My Ariz is a healthy baby with no serious illness.

My Ariz is just like her baby.

And the very real risk of sudden death like that scares me to tears.

That is one of my biggest fear. And i can't stop crying

:'(

in remembrance of MH17

17.07.2014

And lightning does strike twice.

Fresh from the grief of losing mh370 (the flight is literally lost) the nation has to face another tragedy of mh17 being shot down. My 1st thought was that these tragedies seems like Malaysia is being targeted somehow.

A tragedy. A sad sad loss. Speechless #lossforwords

#ripmh17 #prayformh17 #prayformh370

Fakta Tentang Bayi Yg Kita Mungkin Tak Tau...

1. Bayi tiada kepala lutut. Ia tidak membentuk sehinggalah bayi berusia 6 bulan.

2. Bayi tiada air mata. Mereka menangis dan menjerit tetapi air mata sebenar tidak wujud sehinggalah bayi berusia 5 minggu.

3. Mereka mempunyai lebih tulang. Orang dewasa mempunyai 206 dan bayi pula 300 tulang. Kebanyakan dari tulang tersebut bercantum semasa bayi membesar.

4. Empat dari 10 bayi mempunyai tanda lahir.

5. Bayi mempunyai deria bau yang kuat. Boleh mengenali bau badan ibu sebaik dilahirkan.

6. Penglihatan bayi kabur sebaik sahaja dilahirkan.

7. Rambut bayi yang tumbuh semasa dalam rahim ibu akan gugur beransur ansur dan digantikan sepenuhnya oleh rambut baru apabila berusia 6 bulan.

8. Bayi baru lahir secara genetiknya mempunyai deria bunyi yang kuat. Boleh membezakan bunyi-buyian dan boleh mengenali suara ibu serta merta semasa dilahirkan

9. Deria rasa bayi masih tidak berbentuknya sepenuhnya semasa lahir. Tidak boleh membezakan rasa seperti manis atau masin dengan baik.

10. Jantung bayi baru lahir berdenyut diantara 120-160 degupan seminit berbanding dengan degupan jantung orang dewasa iaitu 60-80 seminit.

11. Bayi bernafas lebih cepat iaitu 30-50 nafas seminit berbanding dengan orang dewasa 16-20 nafas seminit.

12. Berat bayi bertambah 2 kali ganda dari berat semasa lahir pada usia 6 bulan.

13. Mendengarkan music klasikal menambah kepintaran bayi.

14. Bayi baru lahir tidur 15-20 jam sehari.

15. Bayi cuma mempunyai satu lapisan kulit sebab itulah ia akan alah dan kemerahan dengan senang kepada losyen wangi, sentuhan kasar, gigitan serangga dan sebagainya.

16. Bayi mempunyai kebolehan menyelam sebaik dilahirkan tetapi kebolehan tersebut akan hilang dengan cepatnya.

24

He is 24 days today.

How time flies. I have been with him 24/7 for 9 months 7 days + 24 days today. I can just stare at him and do nothing all day except that he would demand to be fed, sleep, fed, sleep (repeat). I have been unable to do anything else since he was born except cuddle him, feed him, talk to him, sleep with him, cuddle, feed, talk, sleep (repeat).

What has been going on since the day he was born? I'm putting this down for keepsake coz I know I won't remember the details come 10 years down the road.

He was born on Monday 14.04.2014 at 7.55pm and weight at 4.04kg. Normal birth. Natural tear (a lot - OUCH!!). Epidural (but of course!)

We were discharged on the eve of the 2nd day with a clean bill of health.

He was sleeping most of the time for the 1st 2 days and on the 3rd day he started to cry all nite long and demand to be fed all day and nite long. I didn't get any sleep for 2 days straight (didn't get much sleep either actually until today. The most sleep I can get nowadays are 2 hours tops).

Started to have blocked ducts on the 3rd day and sore right nipple on the 4th days. and started to pump milk out in the freezer.

In short, it was a miserable painful 7 days. 

Tali pusat tanggal on the 7th day.

He was circumcised on the 10th day. It (the penis) healed the next day coz I accidentally let him grab his bloodied penis while trying to bath him and he was acting as if he did nothing wrong. So I assume the circumcision is no longer painful for him. It was completely healed on the 3rd day with no apparent trauma to him or his mother.

The 10th day was also his 2nd time in a car and his first in a shopping mall (alamanda). Didn't bring him for shopping after the circumcision. We were merely looking for a place to eat. I was not really looking forward to be going out and about because to tell you the truth, I was still feeling tired and long walks does put pressure on the lower half of my body. Besides, I just had my stitches taken out by the dr that day so it was not really a walk in the park for me either. 

His name was officially registered on the 15th day.

The 1st 14 days was erratic. He fed on demand and sleep when he was not either feeding or crying. It was tiring. On the 15th day he started to have some resemblance of a feeding schedule. It was a loose 2 hours feed so at least I get about 1-2 hours of sleep each day. As a result, I stopped pumping my milk because he was constantly with me feeding and 2 hours is a short time to stock up on my milk production i guess.

Nowadays, he likes to sleep on my arms. Tiring but I don't really mind. He sleeps longer during the day and shorter during the nite. He also has taken up space on our bed and refuse to sleep in his cot. He has decided that we will be co-sleeping. At least until I start working (hopefully, finger cross).

***

And me? Well. The only thing I can report is that my last weight before giving birth was 90kg. And after 24 days, I'm down to 73kg. OK lah... although a loooooooong way to go to get to my pre-pregnancy weight of 59kg. I can't take any supplements to reduce weight because it reduces milk production as well (yup, I tried). And I have to eat carbo or my milk production will suffer (yup tried that too). So, having to eat carbo, not able to exercise (since he latches on to me like a leech almost 24/7 and also there is still some pain just above my pubic bone so I'm taking it easy as for now so that my inner whatever can heal properly. 

The 1st week was a torture. Having to endure blocked ducts, sore nipple, no sleep, tired, pain from the tear, internal pain if I move too much, hemerroid pains, difficulty moving my bowel... soooo many painful things to deal with all at the same time.

I'm still bleeding but not so much.Been out and about a few times already. Actually drove a few days ago. Cannot walk for long coz I do get tired easily. The pain is still there (all of em) but the pain is easing.

But know what? its all worth it when he stares into my eyes with his tiny hand splashed on my chest while he feeds. The feeling is indescribably.

*love*

**Ariz's latest pics

The Inside Scoop

14.04.14

This is the day that mommy is to be induced and baby is to come out and take the world by storm.

*expect some gory nasty yucky description*

Abang went to school as usual in the morning but Aydin and Kakak stayed at home with their uncle. The plan is to wait for abang to finish school and all of them will be coming to the hospital in the evening with their uncle. They would be bored to death if they follow mommy and daddy to hospital since nobody has any idea when baby will want to greet the world. Went to the hospital and registered around noon. Had to wait a bit since all the rooms in the hospital are fully occupied. After a while, managed to secure a room and proceeded there to wait for the dr.

At around 4.30pm the dr came in. Shoved in the meds down yonder to kickstart the contraction with a strict instruction not to move and to stay in bed for at least an hour. The contraction started to come after half hour around 5. Started off with a low stomach and back pain. And the pain started to become more intense soon afterwards. Felt liquid coming out bit by bit at each contraction. Was wondering if it was the amniotic fluid. Was quite excited to tell you the truth because I never had the experience of my amniotic sack burst naturally. Apparently it was just the meds/cream applied by the dr earlier. Dang!

By 5.30 I was unable to lie flat on my back and had to walk a bit, tonggeng a bit to ease the pain from the contraction. By 6, the pain felt like it came in non stop. Requested mr hubbs to time the contraction. the contraction was approximately 1 minute long and 1 minute apart for the next 10 minutes. Non stop. It was painful that I can barely talk while the contraction was in progress. I remembered vaguely based on my reading (despite the pain) that this is a signal that I am nearing the critical labour point. Was panicking a bit coz I wanted to have epidural. If the pain comes in too fast and I dilated too fast, they won't give me my epidural. Called in the nurse to tell them I want my epi now. The nurse called in the dr but unfortunately since he was with a patient at the clinic, he instructed for me to be brought down to the labour room but before that I had to take the edema to allow for 'whatever' that needs to come out to come out now before the baby comes out. Do you know how torturous it feels to have to go for no 2 while having contraction? It was damn painful and damn uncomfortable. I was thumping the wall while in the loo when the contraction strikes. And to top it off, nothing wants to come out. 

Wheeled to the labour room at around 7pm and demanded for my epi. Midwife checked and lho and behold I was 5cm dilated. While waiting for the anesthetist, the nurses gave me gas to inhale to numb the pain. This is my first time having the gas. My take on the gas? It doesn't work! I can still feel the pain. All it manages to do is to make me feel dizzy. Not dizzy high but dizzy mabuk rasa macam nak muntah. They told me to inhale the gas whenever I feel contraction coming. I was inhaling it almost non stop since the contraction came in non stop. Even the anesthetist cautioned me not to overdo it as I could puke. I did feel like puking. Too much of gas I guess. But it didn't work! Nope. 

Soon after (although it felt too long!) the anesthetist came in to administer the epi. By then I was writhing uncontrollably in pain even with gas. As a procedure, the anesthetist had to explain how the epi is to be administered, whats the risk, bla bla bla. All I can think about is god damn it, when is he going to stop talking and just get on with it. Finally at 7.15pm (I didn't check the clock, this was written down in the form) he asked me to sign the consent form (he had to wait for the contraction to pass because I totally refuse to talk to him or anyone else while I was managing my contractions). Because I was writhing so much, he had to give me spinal injection to ease the pain before administering the epi (in the labour room, I couldn't care less what he wants to do as long as the pain can be numbed immediately. Now I wonder what the hell is a spinal injection...). It was pure torture having to stop myself from writhing in pain while the spinal injection and the epi is being administered. Since I can't move, the only other thing to do is to moan loudly just to take my mind of the pain. Dalam dok sakit2 tu boleh gak terpikir, bising jugak mulut aku ni dok sibuk cakap "sakit", "sakit", "sakit". Tapi memang sakit pun oi!

Gradually I started to feel numb. I can still feel the contraction but minus the pain. However, what I didn't tell the nurses was I had felt the pushing sensation even before the epi was administered. I didn't want to tell anyone before I get my epi since there is a possibility that if I'm far too advanced dilating, they won't give me the epi because it won't work then. After the epi started to kick in, I told the nurse I can feel the pushing sensation with every contraction. The nurses did a VE and was dilated at 9cm. So the nurses went about preparing the room and me for delivery. Tapi yang tak bestnya... remember that edema I took before I was wheeled into the labour room? Well that edema took effect and smelly things which were not supposed to be ozzing out, ozzed out (sorry for the graphic description!). Apologised to the nurses repeatedly while smelly things ozzed out as I can't seem to control it. It was beyond my control and mak terpaksa redho je lah sambil terpisat2 rasa malu dengan nurses. They cleaned me up saying tak apa, dah biasa. Sheesh, such a humiliating moment for me.

Soon afterwards the Dr came into the room and checked. He was ready with his apparatus to burst my bubble amniotic sack but he found that there is no amniotic sack. He can actually feel the hair on my baby's head. It has apparently burst without anyone noticing. Checked the baby and the baby is still high up. Nurses started to gather around and they started to instruct me to push whenever I feel the pushing sensation. It took a long time for me to push with no progress. Dr is saying that the baby is still high up and he was a bit worried because the baby's heartbeat started to slow down. He wanted to use forcep or vacuum but can't since the baby is too high up. I was pushing with all my might but was a bit frustrated coz I couldn't feel any movement by the baby coming down. It gets tiring after a while but there was no progress. The Dr went off for a short while to perform his maghrib prayers but instructed me to keep on pushing. I'm ok with that. While the Dr was away, I was still pushing and then the baby started to progress down. The midwife asked me if I wanted to wait for the Dr to deliver the baby and if so, to stop pushing and keep my legs together. Well, at that point of time and also with the experience I had while in labour with Adlan of which I don't want to have a repeat,

With Adlan, the pushing sensation was so strong but I was told by the dr not to push and to keep my legs together because his position was not ideal and there is a risk of him breaking his spinal cord if I were to push. It was s stressing situation because I can't stop the pushing sensation but at the same time I had to keep my legs together. I was so worried that I might accidentally injured him in some way because of that.

I just told the midwife, if the baby wants to come out, let him come out. It doesn't matter to me who delivers the baby as long as he is safely delivered. The nurses did call the Dr but no answer. My guess is he put the phone on silent while performing his solat. I was still pushing as mightily as I can and the head emerged first. I was on the verge of exhaustion then but the nurses kept encouraging me to go on pushing and not stop. When I stopped pushing, the head went back inside. The nurses were shouting for me not to stop pushing. And so I push and I push and I push and finally he came out quietly. It was such a relief as I can actually feel him coming out of me. His umbilical cord was wrapped loosely around his neck and body. Patutla susah sangat nak keluar. Terbelit tali pusat rupanya. The nurses showed me my baby and asked me to identify the gender. 

Its a boy 

*grin* 

(no surprises there!)

The dr came in while the baby was being cleaned up an he delivered the placenta and stitched me up. Masa tu baru dapat dengar suara baby nangis sikit2. It was a big baby. The placenta was 1kg and baby was 4.04kg. I teared up a lot down yonder inside out and all the way down the perinium to my anus and it took a while for the Dr to properly stitch me up.

Overall, what I can say is that labour pain is damn painful. Beyond words. I don't know how you guys do it without any pain relief. Fuhh memang respect!

So yeah, that was the inside scoop of what happened on 14.04.2014. 

Presenting...

latest member of our family

- Ariz -

Last Day before THE Day!

Excited

Anxious

Impatient

Worried

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One

More

Day

39 weeks

check up on 7 April 2014

***

waiting time : registered at 2.30pm. Went in to see the Dr at 9.30pm (7 hours ++)

weight -->  91kg (for the first time i gained 31kg throughout my pregnancy.Hawaigawddddd!!!)

baby --> 3.606kg

no VE done but baby is still high up according to the Dr.

summary:

Dr recommended for me to be induced because :

• I'm already full term (due on 17 Apr 14)
• Baby is not growing as much within the space of 2 weeks (3.606 - 3.4990 = 0.107kg) 
• I gained 3.1kg in the space of 2 weeks
• There's traces of protein in my urine
• my feet are puffy

The protein reading is a bit of a concern to the Dr and he explained that it may be an indication that my kidney is deteriorating. Rather than taking the risk of waiting and risking permanent damage to my kidney, he recommended for me to be induced.

***

I would love to wait for the labour pain to come naturally since I have never had that experience before. Yup, going to have 4 kids (insyaallah) and I have never experience natural labour pain. All are induced. But this one is slightly before the due date. Abang Adlan was born on the dot on his due date. Kakak Aliya was 7 days late and Abang Aydin was 10 days late.

But looking at all circumstances, its actually good to know in advance for various reasons:

• I have time to indulge in my nesting intinct. Banyak lagi tak kemas ni. All the almari to push and relocate (hehe!)
• I have time to prepare my mind and body for the impending pain... the pain!!!
• Since mom is going to accompany me in the labour room, she would be able to schedule her busy schedule and know when to actually come to KL. Tak ada la buang masa dok melangut kat rumah anak tunggu anak sakit nak bersalin when she has tonnes to do back home. Almaklumle business woman le katakan.
• mr hubbs can actually schedule his outstation meetings since the date is already fixed.
• I can chose the date and its an awesome date.. yeay :)

Baby will make an appearance (insyaallah) at 9 months and 7 days. 3 days before he is due. So I guess, this time next week, we will be looking at a new face insyaallah.

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Takuttttt @_@

04.04.14

Nice date today kan?

A cool birth date don't you think?

I think so too...

but honey bun cannot come out today because my obygn is away until next week.

Baby listen to mummy ok? Be a good boy and do your stuff inside mummy's tummy at least until next week when we have a date with the good looking dr ok?

Ready to give birth? - vaginal examination (VE), effacing, dilation, station & presentation

Vaginal exam

These cervical changes can be measured by the caregiver doing an internal vaginal examination with their gloved fingers during labour, often referred to as a VE or vaginal examination, or perhaps an 'internal'. During labour, vaginal examinations are usually carried out after a contraction finishes and when the woman says she is ready.

An internal examination procedure involves the caregiver putting on a sterile glove and often using an antiseptic cream, applied to the first and second fingertips.Their 2 fingers are then gently inserted into the woman's vagina, so the caregiver can examine her cervix. The woman's cervix is checked for the following:

Dilation

When her cervix is opening it is called dilating. Or how open the cervix is. This is measured from 1 to 10 centimetres (10 cm being fully open or fully dilated).

The consistency of the cervix. Is it soft, stretchy and yielding - often referred to as ripe or favourable. Or is it firm and tight rimmed often called unripe during late pregnancy.

The position of the cervix. During pregnancy the cervix leans towards the back (or posterior) behind the baby's head. This often makes it difficult for the caregiver to reach. As the cervix ripens (and during labour) it moves forward towards the front, making it more accessible for the caregiver and indicating progress is being made.

Station

The estimation of how far the baby's head has come down into the pelvis. This is called the station and is measured from minus 3 (- 3), meaning the baby's head is high and not engaged, to plus 3 (+3), where the baby's head can be seen at birth. Most babies' heads are at minus 2 at the beginning of labour and 0 to +1 when the pushing starts.

Effacement

When a woman's cervix thins during labour it is referred to as effacing. This is how thin the cervix feels and is measured in percentages from 0% to 100%. 0 % is when the cervix is long and thick, 100 % is when the cervix is paper thin, when most of it has been pulled up and absorbed into the lower segment of the uterine wall.

Presentation

How well the baby's head is sitting on the cervix. The part of the baby 'leading the way' during labour is called the 'presenting part', which may be their bottom if in a breech position. The caregiver tries to estimate how 'well applied' the baby's head or presenting part is to the cervix. A well applied head is regarded as being more efficient at dilating the cervix during labour.

The position the baby is lying in (i.e. posterior or anterior). This can be felt if the cervix is more than 4 cms dilated but can sometimes be difficult to accurately determine.

Source: http://www.kidspot.co.nz/article+3301+119+Internal-examination-and-cervical-dilation.htm

RIP MH370

I cannot imagine the anguish of those who knew the passengers on board MH370 especially the family members. The loss of a husband, a wife, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a grandmother, a grandfather, a son, a daughter... :'(

Flight MH370 ended in the Southern Indian Ocean. A good choice of word. A mark of respect for those directly affected by this tragedy...

*all images cilok-ed from google images

36 weeks

2 more days and I will be in my 37 weeks.  

3 more weeks to go (but based on my past track record is always 40 weeks + 2 extra weeks and that will set back my timeline to 5 more weeks).

Back pain getting worst.

Crotch pain getting worst.

Can't sleep (refer previous post and pic). And mr hubbs can't sleep too because his wife keeps tossing and turning all nite long.

Heartburn is a killer. I get that nasty hot sensation on top of my lungs just below my neck even after a few hours after the last meal. And especially cruel when I lie down.

My puffy feet getting puffier all the way to the shine. And now even my hands are puffy and taking off my wedding ring is near impossible at this point in time.

Brixton contraction is getting regular especially at nite while I'm about to lie down to try and sleep but not painful.

Walking means pressure on the bladder and thus more frequent loo visits all day long.

Baby still moves inside and his favourite position now is stretching and pushing my lungs into my throat. Damn painful that one.

Did I mention the back pain? Oh the back pain!!!

Bag has been packed and is ready by the door.

Matresses, pillows, sheets, towels have been washed. Other baby clothes have not though.

Baby cot is still in the box. Bedroom is still not baby-fied yet.

I'm torn between wanting to have him in my arms as soon as possible and letting him bake properly in the oven (if you know what I mean) and for him to decide when he wants to greet the world.

but... 3 more weeks (or possibly 5 more weeks)...and the pain!!! sigh...



***
updates: 25.03.2014

went for 36 check up yesterday at Klinik Pakar HUKM. Registered at 1pm and finally went into see Prof Zainul at 9.30pm. Yup... we waited 8 hours at the hospital. Prof Zainul is an excellent Dr. I feel very comfortable with him and while in labour pain I need to ensure that I am as comfortable as possible and that would include the person who will be prodding me inside out while I pant in extreme pain. However, for those who are thinking about seeing him for pre-natal check up, please do bear in mind the waiting time. It can really be exhausting especially when you are in your 3rd trimester. For those who stays nearby you can always come early to register (some came as early as 8am to register and goes to work and comes back after 2pm (he is at the clinic from 2pm onwards every Monday and Thursday but rarely comes on time. The earliest usually would be around 3pm. Yesterday he started at 5pm hence the late nites. He is known to see patients right up until 12 midnite according to the nurses there).

Reached home around 11. Had burger tepi jalan for our lunch and dinner before heading back to go straight to bed. And now I am extremely exhausted that I can't think properly and therefore work is suspended until I can think properly again today. My back pain is acting up again. Even with a pillow behind my back the office chair still feels uncomfortable.

OK, the result of yesterday's check up?

Had CTG to check baby's heart rate and uterine contraction. Result - baby is active and very minor uterine contraction.

Baby is now approximately 3.5kg (he was 2kg last month). The calculation of head circumference estimates him to be at 39 weeks. So is the calculation of the circumference of his stomach. Asked Prof if this means the due date has shifted and he said to stick to the current week which is 36 weeks. He is going to be 1 big baby. If he goes to 40 weeks, his weight could possibly reach up to 4kg @_@. Atte, kalau sebulan naik 1.5kg. Another month another 1.5kg.... whoaaaa...

I am 87.9kg from 85.3kg last month. But since baby gained 1.5kg, I guess I didn't gain any more weight (mind you there is the weight of placenta and extra blood to consider as well).

Amniotic fluid still ok. Placenta is healthy. Baby is still quite high and not yet engaged.

Since Prof will not be around next 2 weeks, I need to prep my honey bun to please stay inside until the next check up... but the idea of waiting another 2 weeks and enduring the pain for another 2 weeks... aiyoh.

Oh well...

The tower of pillows

For when sleep eludes me...