adding another number... again?

Ariz turned 2 last month. We have been calling him adik all these while. I have even gave away all baby clothing and items. ALL.

Ariz is meant to be the last. Anak bongsu. The end of the line. Penutup. Kilang is shutting down.

However, this month my period is already 11 days late according the period tracker apps. My nipples are sore but I attributed those pain to Ariz sucking too eagerly. My moods have been going ups and downs. Kejap macam naga, kejap merajuk, kejap nak sedih, kejap ok. But I attributed these yo-yo moods to PMS. Then yesterday night after work I started feeling lethargic. Penat yang tak terucap. Lemah longlai rasa badan. I attributed this tiredness to the long hours stuck in traffic jam on the way back to KL the previous day. 5 hours of jams to be specific. And some nausea which had me feeling wanting to eat to counter balance that nauseating feeling.

However, atas dasar gatal hati, I took a pregnancy test this morning. The test was bought last period cycle because I was also late then. But the day that I planned to take the test, my period made a show. Hence a spare pregnancy test lying around at home at 6am in the morning today.

Was praying for a 1 liner. Was really hoping for a 1 liner. And then 1 line showed. OK. Patiently waiting for the test to complete and... a vague line appeared.

Sigh...

Here we go again. Life begins at 40. Yup. A new life it seems. the pregnancy tracker (yup, the period tracker has now been converted) says I am 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.

Nak happy ke nak mengeluh ke nak disappointed ke, tak tau la... mixed.

Still hoping its a false positive.

but my lethargic-ness feels sooo real...

I just want to sleep...